i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
