I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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