Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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