Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
