mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize