Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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