My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
