ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
