I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
