didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
