hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
