She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
