I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
