i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize