Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My balls are so social today.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
