More tranny stories later!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
