do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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