Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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