His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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