i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
