im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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