is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
