I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
