so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
