hell yes lets make some ravioli
Moan for me like Helen Keller
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
