Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the day after is always just damage control
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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