I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
