OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
