I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
