my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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