Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
