I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
