According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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