How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
