he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
