It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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