I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
