Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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