sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i will never coherently bang her
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
