you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
