Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
birth control should be required to get into college
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
