don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
