What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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