He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
