Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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