My underwear smells like fireworks.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize