I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
