You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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