I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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