I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
