My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
