So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
