When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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