My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
