The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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