Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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