Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I bet he comes in French.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
