He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
