he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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