anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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