Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
