sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
